Yes, I’m allergic to money. This wasn’t true when I was a child, however – I earned my first money at the age of seven. Really. My mother paid me to iron (!). Can you imagine handing a seven-year-old an iron today? Unlikely. Anyway, back in the Dark Ages, my mother ironed every.single.thing, and conscripted me into service the minute she thought I was old enough, albeit for pay. I had a little price list that I carefully created:
| Item | Price |
|---|---|
| Handkerchief | $.01 |
| Napkin | $.05 |
| Pillowcase | $.05 |
| Sheet | $.25 |
| Dad's Work Shirt | $.50 |
Man, I loved making that money! I swear that’s why, to this day, I LOVE ironing. Plus, it’s one of the few chores that gives you such instant results. Unfortunately, I was as allergic to money as ever.
My early start as a moneymaker continued, through delivering the local newspaper and then “real” jobs once I was old enough (although I was never as cool as this mommy). I think I can pinpoint the exact minute when my allergy appeared. I was 20, in college, and looking for a part-time job. Thrilled to have two offers, I was torn between them – one paid a whopping $2 an hour more than the other one. But the lower-paid job was just so much more interesting. I took it. This began my long career of doing what I love, but also cemented my money allergy.
Make Money on the Internet!
Fast forward to the early days of the internet, when anyone with math skills had money being thrown at them by the early tech firms. I decided to return to college and get a degree in mathematics. And what, you ask, did I do with that degree? Why, I went after the lowest paying possible job – as a public school teacher. In all seriousness, that was a gratifying seven-year break from corporate America, and I did (mostly) feel as if I was giving back to society. But a golden opportunity to jump on the “new thing called the internet” had been squandered.
If you want one of these, I can’t tell you where you might find one today; we found ours at an awesome store in Wilton Manors, Florida: To The Moon. I have no idea if they still carry this, though.
Several years went by, and I found myself in the office of an allergist (a specialist I’d studiously avoided until then – more about that later). I asked him if one of the substances he tests for is “money.” I think he thought it was a new-agey ancient grain that he hadn’t yet heard of. I assured him that I was kidding (mostly). Actually, I told him I couldn’t believe he hadn’t heard of it yet.
I’m Still Allergic to Money
Sadly, his tests did not indicate that I was allergic to money. But I persisted, secure in the knowledge that I know what I’m allergic to, and no specialist will convince me otherwise. Take the time I ran for office (more about that much, much later). About halfway through the campaign, I noticed that I seemed to be attending more fundraisers for local nonprofits than I’d ever attended in my entire life (gotta get out there!), but the consequence of this was that I was writing checks to others way faster than checks were being written to my campaign. Did this light bulb moment result in a change to my behavior? Heck, no! That campaign season probably resulted in record-setting funding for every nonprofit in a 100-mile radius.
I could go on and on, but I’ve got an appointment with the allergist. Ciao for now! ⧉
