Sabotaging Your Diet for Fun and Nonprofits – it has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Speaking of rings, my daughter’s recent engagement, and the upcoming celebration in honor of this momentous event, is just one of the guilty parties in this ongoing saga; just one of this week’s Gang of Four that conspired to do everything in their power to stop me from losing weight.
The Perils of Socializing
If last week’s venue shopping didn’t directly sabotage my eating habits, the aftermath, where I stuffed a breathtaking amount of chocolate into my mouth in an effort to stop hyperventilating (the costs! the decisions!), certainly played a role. Repeat after me – if you’re hyperventilating, stuffing chocolate into your mouth probably isn’t a way to stop. Pro tip: the folks at WebMD do a fine job on this topic; sadly, the remedies don’t include chocolate.
Weekends, of course, are a common diet saboteur. Fitbit goes into a bit more detail on this, including what happens to your gut bacteria when you indulge in what I call “The Holy Trinity of Sabotage” – alcohol, sugar and processed foods. (On a side note, I’m still working on that Talking Fitness Tracker – I’ll get back to it as soon as I stop day drinking.)
Why weekends? Duh. Weekends are when most of us do that “socializing” thing – you know, that thing where, if we’re (un)lucky, we attend various festivities, many of which involve that delicious Holy Trinity of Sabotage.
Sabotaging Your Diet for Fun and Nonprofits
In my most recent wagon fall, I didn’t even have to wait for the “official” start of the weekend to arrive; it began early. Like, on Wednesday. It all started with an innocent breakfast (no day drinking involved) with my daughter, her fiancé, and our granddaughter. I mean, really, do you expect me to go to a place with “Bagels” in its name and have kale? I think not. But don’t worry, I made sure to have some protein to balance out the carbs. The bacon was perfect. Maybe someone can invent kale bacon. Then you could feel both superior and satiated at the same time. That would be amazing.
By early Thursday evening (if the sun hasn’t set yet, is it even day drinking?), I was well on my way to Bacchanalia, that magical land of alcohol. But it’s not my fault. Really, it’s not! We attended a wine tasting, the proceeds of which benefited a nonprofit. I mean, how could we not? Pro tip: Wine tastings are an excellent way to build your nonprofit’s exposure. The wine, though (all seven tastings!) wasn’t the worst of it. No, it was the food that went with the wine, all of which came from the kitchens of women who know how to cook, and by “know how to cook,” I mean “understand that fat and sugar make everything taste good.” By the sixth wine sample, I’d completely lost any sense of decorum and was stuffing those magical mushroom pinwheels (no, not those kinds of mushrooms, although these did taste magical – see “fat and sugar,” above) into my mouth with no regard for anyone else at the table. As to the accusations that I stuffed some of them in my bag, that is a total lie.
More Community Support, Please!
Friday night also presented an opportunity for additional serious damage. We attended a local monthly event; the evil food trucks were lined up like gastronomic versions of Christine, the evil car in the Stephen King novel of the same name (one of my very favorite books, by the way – learn more about it on Goodreads).
“Just a snack, please,” I said virtuously, secretly eyeing the OMG THAT LOOKS GOOD food truck offerings. I wasn’t even that hungry, since I’d kicked off the evening with a satisfying ice cream bar. Don’t judge. That ice cream bar (a) contained a full serving of dairy and (b) supported those adorable budding entrepreneurs. How could I say no?
I almost, almost made it past the food trucks, until I was coerced into trying a free sample. The coercion went like this: “Would you like a free sample?” I mean, I couldn’t be rude. I’m not sure what was in that sample, but suffice it to say that suddenly I was ravenous. Also, I’m sure the full dish was under 2,000 calories.
The Fourth Horseman of the Caloric Apocalypse
If you’re counting, here comes Event Four. This promises to be the pièce de résistance, the pinnacle of overindulgence – the Engagement Party. This Festival of Calories is today.
I can’t wait. And tomorrow, I’ll be back on the wagon, reminding myself how to have a better week; every Monday, you have an opportunity to have a healthier week. Get a head start with Smug Sunday.
What about you? Are weekends your downfall? Do you resist? Share your thoughts by commenting. I’d love to hear more!⧉
