On Saturday, I awoke to the thrilling sound of joyful wedding bells. OK, that’s a complete lie. I awoke to the gruesome task of accompanying my daughter, her fiancé, their good friend (a nascent wedding planner), and our granddaughter to evaluate some wedding venues.
I mean, what’s not to like, right? We are delighted that our daughter is getting married; he’s a great guy, and we were over the moon when he proposed last Saturday. I love my daughters, but raising two of them made me realize that the societies which had/have a practice of giving a dowry were/are on to something. Eventually, that feeling faded (mostly).
The Thrilling Sound of Joyful Wedding Bells
By the way, what exactly are wedding bells? According to Brides, there are two purposes to actual bells ringing, historically speaking: to ward off evil spirits and to let folks near and far know of the happy occasion. I can tell you this – the warding off of evil spirits did not work in my first wedding, perhaps because we didn’t ring any bells.
What did happen, however, is that two days before my wedding, the priest called to tell my mother that he had “terrible news.” Our wedding was planned for New Year’s Day (a REALLY BAD idea – don’t ever ever do that), and shortly after the New Year, the church was scheduled to be demolished to make way for a new church building. Somehow, wires got crossed (not an uncommon event among Greeks – just look at their economy), and the church was actually getting demolished on December 31. That, alert readers, meant that there would be no church for my wedding.
Ignore the Signs at Your Peril
We were undeterred, and our wedding proceeded on schedule. It was held in the church hall next door to the site of the former church. Formally dressed guests picked their way through the rubble of the old church. Jackhammers are not a thrilling sound, in case you were wondering. There was only time to demolish the church; no one was coming on New Year’s Eve to haul the debris away. Luckily, no bones were broken.
If ever God or the universe sent a sign, this was it. Naturally, I blithely ignored it. I can’t say that I regret my marriage, because it produced my two daughters, who I love more than anything. But really – the only bells that should have gone off that day were alarm bells.
The Torture of Pomp and Circumstance
Anyway, fast forward to today. Yes, my daughter is marrying a terrific guy. I’m thrilled. And she has a great friend who’s going to plan her wedding. This is definitely a sign of divine intervention, because if I had to help plan it, we might end up with, you know, another demolition. There might be anyway, given how today went.
I hate, hate, hate pomp and circumstance. And there is nothing more potentially pompy than a wedding. Luckily, my daughter is pretty level-headed, although my granddaughter might be problematic, since at the age of four, she seems to grasp the significance of this day, and I fear that she will be Flower Girlzilla on the big day. She’s as bougie as can be. Here’s another thrilling sound: your granddaughter throwing a tantrum in a venue so huge and empty that it echoes until your ears catch on fire.
Be Sure to Thoroughly Plan this Wedding Military Operation
Also luckily, the nascent wedding planner is as organized as they come. She also appears to share our sense of humor, since I learned that she was highly amused by my expressions of horror during the Bataan Death March that was today’s venue tour. In fact, she was so amused that she Snapchatted me. I forgive you, Joanne. For now.
I warned my daughter that this wedding planning thing just isn’t my thing, and told her ahead of time that she’d probably regret dragging bringing me along. As usual, she didn’t listen. By Venue 2, she was threatening promising to send me home early. If you’re interested, I hung in there until the bitter end.
Anyway, here’s my one piece of invaluable wedding advice, since, as you know from my Welcome post, much of my life experiences serve as warnings. When preparing your list of questions for each venue, be sure to ask about their demolition plans.⧉
